Is it Love or Infatuation?

Often times women find ourselves telling our girls "I think I am in love"!

But is it really love? Or is it infatuation.

  Merrriam-Webster  defines love in such wide range of definitions. It can be referenced as a verb or noun. However Merrriam-Webster has only 2 definitions for infatuate/infatuation. This alone goes to show the magnitude of love and the work that comes attached with it. 

With the start of a relationship love and infatuation can be hard to differentiate. After all they do not call it the "Honeymoon Phase" for nothing. You find yourself not wanting to be away from that person. Wanting to see them every single day and night. Just being in there presence has you enamored. But eventually that beginning stage wears off the true tests come which involve a lot of patience, energy, time and compromise.  

Now you are 3 months in with the person you said you cannot go a day without seeing. His/Her jokes aren't so funny anymore and you actually find things they do to be rather annoying. You begin to notice little things from the way they chew funny, to the way they breath harder then you remember. That aha moment happens and you realized this intense fire you once felt is no longer there. You do not feel that feeling you once felt. That intense attraction you once felt has fizzled away and you know that it is strongly possible that this was just a moment of infatuation. 

This is where make or break come in. When the petty arguments begin. You may even begin to wonder what did I see in them in the first place. Now you are stuck with deciding if you were truly in love with this person or was it an infatuation with someone and something new. Or maybe a little of both because you can be infatuated with someone you love but never love someone you merely just infatuated with. 

The best way to determine what you have with someone is to question yourself. After all the time you have spent with this relationship being the "perfect love" and now when all hell breaks loose in this relationship and one of you has hit rock bottom, Would you leave? If your answer is "Yes" then love never was established on your behalf. You have to remember real love is forgiving and patient. But never forget that  you should never jeopardize your love for yourself because you want to love someone else that doesn't know the definition to reciprocity.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.


SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

VULNERABILITY

IS VULNERABILITY NECESSARY? 

That is a question I have been asking myself for years. As someone, like most, I find it extremely difficult to allow myself to be transparently vulnerable to everyone. But over time I have found that it is imperative to have a level of vulnerability in relationships with other in order to built an unbreakable bond. Whether it be a friend, lover or God you have to be able to reveal yourself.

Think about you child before all the woes of the world have boggled  you down and allowed you to become sheltered and stand offish. When you were hurt you could go to your mother, father or grandparent and tell them everything that upset you. This created and unconditional love between you and that person. When another child made you angry because they took your toy you would let them know, right? Why can we not live with that same level of vulnerability in life as adults. 

If we were able to break down those walls with others and be vulnerable with whomever we come in contact with, then we would not have to deal with conflict between each other. But unfortunately that is not how the world works. Because the minute you are vulnerable to someone that does not want to acknowledge your need you are expressing with vulnerability then we get hurt badly. The only thing we can do in reality is be transparent. Express what you want and need from day one. Then once that person is for you and you know for sure they are then you can allow yourself to be vulnerable. 

Just be careful that you are not the type of vulnerable that subjects you to harm. It is critical to know that the person you are expressing vulnerability to is there to be supportive and protect you from any attacks to your character and soul. And if that person is all of that and you allow yourself to be transparently vulnerable it can take your relationship to the next level. 

I think Brene Brown said it best...

"You can't get to courage without walking through vulnerability."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

HURT - PAIN - STRESS - APPRECIATE

Every morning she wakes up un-assure of what the day may bring. Will it be hurt pain or stress?

Checks her phone before she heads for her shower. He didn't respond. -Why the hurt?-

She raises up out of the bed heading to the shower. This bed keeps me so stiff. - Wow this pain.-

She gets dressed, does her hair & make-up and heads for the door, anxiety raising. -Oh No Stress. -

She opens the door and the sun beams down on her. She says to herself Thank you God for this beautiful day. She jumps into her car and cranks the engine. She blasts her music reminiscing on the thoughts he shared with her last night but a bit disappointed that she did not have that "Good Morning Beautiful" text. She turns her radio down at the stop light and takes a minute to take a deep breath. She begins to say a quick prayer. 

"Lord Thank You for this day, the lessons I will have and the lessons I will teach. Thank You for your unconditional love and your grace. And though my heart is hurting right now I Thank You for the mercy you will give going forward in all that I am taking on."

She appreciates the Hurt - Pain - Stress! Because its a lesson and its a set up for her come up.


1 Peter 1:7

Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory. 

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!! This is a touchy subject for most people and often unconditional love is confused with taking abuse, or being treated with a lack of worth. This is by far not what unconditional love is. Even God withdrew from the people in Ezekiel 5:11 by leaving the temple. He did not stop loving the people, however he could not be a witness to the destruction that was happening in the temple. Because He chose the temple as the one place he could dwell with the people of Isreal he had to remove himself from the situation because the covenant being broken. 

When we attach our selves to people and give them the idea that we are going to build a relationship with them of unconditional love it is very important that your covenant is established. You must let that person or group of people know what you expect from them and if that is not given then at that point you may have to walk away from the unconditional love you give due to the covenant promised being broken. For some people this may be something as simple as a phone call twice a day. Allowing a person to know up front "my friendship requires" this or that will allow the person the opportunity to say they can or cannot meet the requests you have.

You have to know what you can and cannot do. Listen to me when I tell you this IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO I CAN NOT BE THAT TO YOU! That does not make you a bad person. In fact it makes you a better person. It is nothing worse then someone entering a covenant with you as a friend, lover, or acquaintance and not living up to the expectations you have and they promised.  And though love can cover a multitude of sins, hurt from what we think is disloyalty or unfilled expectations can linger for a very long time and cause a chain reaction cycle of pain.



1 Peter 4:8
8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.




SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

WHO WERE YOU CREATED TO BE

I hear people say all the time "You need to know your worth". But I like to say "know what you were created to be". You may not know your purpose from day one but you must know who you were created to be. Whether you are Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, or any other faith there are core beliefs on how you were created to be, live and strive. And nowhere does it say that you should live outside the worth your God(s) have create you to live at. 

As a Christian I can only speak from that point of view. I searched for years on what my purpose was. I prayed "God just show me what I am supposed to do" "Show me what you have put me here for". Yet my prayers went unanswered. I did not know who I was, what my purpose was or what I was supposed to do with my life. At this time I was living viciously. Not a care for my self worth or the self worth of those I came in contact with. Until I began to study the Word of God. 

It took me years to realize that I had to start with who God created me to be. Knowing God created me in his image (Genesis 1:27) and that because of that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I realized that because of these things it allowed me to worship him for who he made me to be even in all my flaws. Once I created that connection that I had to him with prayer and meditation I began to hear the word of God for myself and not just in written form. At that time I realized who I am and who I was created to be. 

Only after I tapped into the love of God and gave him my appreciation did he show me my purpose. It is a necessity for those of faith to be Thankful in everything that is given. Once you know who you are created to be you will never live below your worth or allow other to treat you below your worth. 

. 

Proverbs 31:25

She is clothed in strength & dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

HEALING THE HEALER!

Frequently as a person who is a natural or supernatural healer, helper, lover or supporter the become the people who are most hurt or damaged. What we often do not know is those counselors we see, psychiatrist and therapists are hurting listening to us ramble on and on about what we have going on in our life. They take on everything they go through life and everything we go through as well.

It is imperative that if you have someone in your like that counsels or ministers to you that you feed back into them. Know when to back off. Know when to counsel to them back. And most importantly give them reciprocity. Nothing is more disheartening to a person who advises and guides those with love then to never get that love back. It is all to often we do not show those who pour the love back into those who mentor us until its too late. One of my favorite Ministers is Joel Osteen and I quote him when I say Appreciation is when you "Learn to give Flowers while people are still living" Do not be that person that wakes up with regret because you never said simple things like Thank You, I Love You or I Appreciate You. 

It is also necessary that as a healer you have some grounded way to release. Purging negative thoughts, actions and feelings are the essential way to continue to be the best you that you can be. Whether you have a spiritual faith and pray to a divine being, meditate and become one with yourself or both. You must do something in order to alleviate the pain that we can internalize when healing others. 

Isaiah 40:31 

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagle; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman