How do you find purpose

 

As human as we are is our nature to wonder what our purpose is. You can see that your entire life and never find it. However something that I practice is to realize that your purpose you are born with. And because of that you are going to be born with all of the skills that you need fulfill that purpose.

With the above being said the best way to seek out your purpose is going to be to find the skills that you are good at. If you are good with people then you may want to be in the field of giving back. If you talk well and speak well in public you may want to be in public speaker. The list can go on and on with skills that relate to those purposes.

So you desire to seek your purpose I encourage you to write down a list of things that you desire and love doing. As well as a list of things that you will really good at doing that you may not love but they come easy to you. Then find that middle ground of where you can Implement all of these skills.  And in there lies your purpose.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

Are finances important in a relationship?

Yet again another age-old question. Is finances important in a relationship?

Unfortunately the short answer is yes. It's not about how much the other person makes or what they can provide for you. But it's more so about the ability to create security for each other and yourself. A person who is stable with a good income, is investing in their future, and has maybe a good credit score does not want to associate or connect themselves to someone who is not stable. And though that may seem a little shallow and selfish it's not. You have to connect yourself to like-minded people and like goal-oriented people.

I think it's very imperative before you connect yourself to someone in a very serious committed relationship to understand their savings spending and investing dynamic. And if you don't happen to be completely alike in the way that you organize your money, Then it's very important to understand that somebody needs to maintain the money and someone is to relinquish that ability for the other person to do so. Create and stability and creating a future for yourself and/or your children is very important. Someone who has extreme spending habits may need to relinquish that organizational skill to the person who is more responsible. This does not make you less then nor does it make you a sucker. If you're in a trusting loving relationship it's okay to be able to relinquish that ability to the person who is more financially sound. 

A few questions you may want to ask yourself when you're coming into a committed relationship especially if you're going to live in the same household as this person or as follows.

1. How do we want to have our banking accounts set up? Individually together or multiple.

2. Who is the more financially responsible person in the relationship?

3. What can the person who is not as good with saving and creating a great credit score learn from the person who is?

4. How can we invest our money together and save our money together in order to create a stable and secure future as a family?

5. What changes need to be made on both parts to get to the goals that you want and have set?

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

When should you leave.

The age old question. When should you give up on a relationship and get out. Different generations have had different answers for this question. 

As the older generation will say you're supposed to stick it out through thick and thin no matter what. The younger generation with more understanding of mental health and safety will say get out immediately, typically. But do you want to act prematurely? Do you want to take the risk of leaving something that could have been worked out? Or have you drained yourself to the point where your mental physical or emotional health is at risk? How do they play am I invested and how hard will it be to get out if I need to? These are all things that you need to ask yourself when you're determining whether the risk is worth the investment.  

 

I think back on what my mother told me when I was younger. She always said make sure you have a way out of any situation in the event that it does not serve you in a proper way. Make sure that you have your money your mind and your heart right so that you don't end up being stuck in a situation that can cause harm to you.

I think we often don't understand that just because you have a written or verbal covenant with someone that it automatically put you in it for life. Just like any contract there's a way out of everything and there's always loopholes. So I say that if you're in a situation that you feel isn't conducive to a mental physical and spiritually rich lifestyle then you must ask these questions follow steps to rectify the situation.

1. Analyze where you're at in the relationship with that person. Is it going to be easy to leave? Or is it going to be arrangements that you would have to make and order to transition?

2. Does the love that you have for that person outweigh the pain that you're going through? If you were to leave this person behind in your life would you be okay?

3. Does this person have my best interested heart? And if they do not what do I need to do to put my best interest at heart? 

4. If you determine that they do have your best interest at heart but it may be something that they're dealing with then ask yourself are you able to work through it? Are you able to be a supporting person to them as they go through their transition?

Once you've asked yourself these questions then you can write them down, analyze the outcomes and make your decision. But remember to never stay in the situation that is going to not be able to be changed with the right amount of work. Your mental physical and spiritual health is the most important thing on this Earth and is the only thing you can control. 

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

Is the effort worth it.

 As humans we very often find ourselves trying to go above and beyond what we should. We put a lot of effort into things that we don't need to or rather that we should not. Especially when it comes to relationships. We often find ourselves going above and beyond for people that we love or want to love us back. However, those same people never reciprocate that love. So why do we do that? And when should we realize that it's time to unplug our energy source to that person.

To start you have to analyze the relationship that you have with that person. You have to understand the dynamic of the relationship. An example is this person a family member that needs you in their life, or somebody that is not someone who needs to hold a place in your world. Sometimes we have placeholders while we think and wish for what we really want. If you determine that this person is someone who needs you in their life, like a child who is not an adult, then you will have to proceed with the relationship. However, any other person on this Earth is not a necessity in your life.

Once you have determined and analyzed if that person needs to hold a place in your life then you need a determine what need they fulfill in your life. Is this person your husband or wife? Is this person a family member? Is this person just a friend? You need to analyze them from an outside perspective and determine whether or not this person is reciprocal of the love and affection that you are giving them. Oftentimes we clean to people who do not reciprocate the level of appreciation that we give them. If this person has time and time again proven that they cannot reciprocate your actions in some way then it's time to let that person go. The old saying if at first, you don't see you try try again can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. Trying again means that you dust yourself off and get up and try a different path. But continuing to try to have something with someone that is proving themselves to be a negative influence over your life is a delusion. So yes at this point you need to let it go.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

Maintaining security within insecurity

Everyone in this world has insecurities. Whether it's the lack of money. Or maybe you just don't like the way you look. Or maybe even that you've had your heart broken a million times and you just don't trust anymore so therefore you're insecure within a relationship.

As someone who's had to work on the insecurities all my life because that level of confidence was not instilled in me as a small child I understand how hard it is to main security within insecurity. I understand how I can cause anxiety and even put you in the state of depression. However it is essential to find key elements in your life that allow you to overcome those insecurities and maintain a secure life even in your insecurities.

One of the main things to maintain security within your insecurities is to always speak to yourself in a positive manner. Whether you do this through affirmations or just speaking to yourself in general in a mirror. You have to make sure that you speak over yourself and only speak positively about yourself. It's okay to recognize your faults as well as your mistakes However dwelling on those can cause self-loathing and heighten the insecurities that you have.

Another thing that is very imperative when trying to maintain security within your insecurities is to never allow anyone to become a part of your circle that downplays or does not recognize your worth. You may have that friend that says they love you but it's always them throwing a smart sarcastic jab at you. Are you going to have a significant other who loves on you and you feel like worships the ground you walk on but consistently has something to say about your appearance or the way you walk talk or react to things. It is important that if you're going to keep these people around you that you make sure it's known how you feel about situations and if they don't correct those things that you get out of that situation immediately.

Lastly it's very important in order to maintain security within your insecurities that you find something that keeps you grounded spiritually. Whether this be prayer, meditation, worship, or any other thing that keeps you spiritually aware. No matter what you believe in, even who don't believe in a God or God's have some form of belief in themselves internally. So it's very important that you find a way to keep yourself grounded and from becoming content and the abuse that we do to ourselves via dwelling on our insecurities. 

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

Is it protection or control

 I know we've all been at some point with a man or woman who wants us to not wear a specific thing or not go a specific place. Maybe even not hang around a person that we've hung around for years. But my question is, Is this protection or is it control. 

My judgment comes into play on if the intentions behind them not wanting you to do these things is because of selfish reasons or to better you and the relationship. Often sounds people don't want us to wear something because they feel uncomfortable with other people looking at us. Or they don't want us to hang around a certain person because that person wants the best for us. In those cases it's a selfish reason for why you're made would want to stop you from doing these things. It's not for the intentions of the relationship to grow but yet for them to be more comfortable in their insecurity.

However is that person knows that you wearing something in particular is not good for maybe a job interview or a certain place you're going and the intentions is for you as a couple to look presentable in that atmosphere, that is understandable. Or if they know that that one single friend that always talks about your relationship in a negative manner is going to cause havoc and turmoil in the relationship where it wasn't already existent, then yes it is for the betterment of the relationship. In these cases it is understandable that your mate will want these things. Because they want to see your relationship flourish and grow as well as your lives around you.

With that being said if you find yourself in a place where you have to question whether it is protection or control, ask yourself these few questions.

1. Is what the person is asking for going to better the relationship?

2. Is the person in the relationship asking for these things insecure about something that related to this in the past?

3. Is the partner that is asking for this considering how it makes you feel that you have to make these changes?

4. Lastly, are the changes that you are going to be making going to call you to be isolated from the world? In this case that person maybe acting out of selfish reasons and narcissism and trying to get you away from others so that they can manipulate you.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

What is sin

As always we're going to start off with what is the meridian Webster definitions of sin are:

a: an offense against religious or moral law 

b: an action that is or is felt to be highly reprehensible

c: an often serious shortcoming : FAULT

2a: transgression of the law of God

b: a vitiated state of human nature in which the self is estranged from God

I will not get into the detail of what I think sin is. However I am a firm believer that what may be a sin for one person is not a sin for the other. My mother was never a religious woman but her integrity was of the upmost importance to her. She would often say if you want to determine if you are sinning ask yourself what if the actions you are taking is something you would be ashamed to show people that you are doing. Can what you are doing allow you to stand on the integrity you have built in yourself.  If your answers are no then that is probably a sin for yourself. 

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman