I am so tired because this thing we have has worn me down.
I wanted to see where it would go and I tried to keep my mind sound.
I tried to be honest as we promised we would be.
I tried to be transparent but in reality.
I lied to my self over and over again.
I tried to mask my need for your love with other men.
I tried to pretend like their touch fulfilled me every time you and I were apart.
I tried to mask the pain inside when all I really wanted was your heart.
I just wanted to feel like my love was reciprocated.
I wanted to feel something but I began to feel emotionally sedated.
Depending on your smile and the gleam in your eyes so that I could just feel something! Anything at all.
But feeling empty every time you left me isn’t what I desired at all.
Because the comfort and protection I feel whenever I lay in your arms is momentary.
So I long for the next time you hold me to just feel for a moment out connection is extraordinary.
Only to leave each time to feel my heart sink like an anchor that is falling down.
Except this situation-ship was not holding me in a still place yet it was sinking me til I begin to drown.
Pray repeatedly, God
just let him see the healing I hold in my hands.
Hoping and
wishing I could love you into a changed man.
Only to realize that you are so hurt from you past and I cannot get past the core of jaded.
And the more I tried to love you through your pain the more of who I am faded.
It amazes me how you could help me through the most trying times of my life.
But how you could never see the potential of me that has the essence of a wife.
Us both trying to heal each other and we overthink everything in life carrying each others load.
But me I let mine out and yours you hold in until you are about to implode.
I just wanted to show you that not all women are the same, I wanted to be your peace.
But you are only able to give a bit of love but not enough to fulfill everything I need.
I thank you for helping me through one of my most tragic experiences.
I have never been good with loss, and have trouble handling grievances.
But now I have to deal with that tragic loss and the loss that is about to be you.
Because the pain you are causing is one that I cannot get through.
I wish you the best and that one day your past pain will mend.
I hope you get rid of your bitter so that you can love again.
SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman
