A Letter to My Ex - spoken word (poetry)

                            

I manipulated myself into believing you loved me. And spent months upon months coarsening myself to believe I loved you too. Spent so much wasted time trying to make you mine completely. I was naive and dumb to trust that you would change if I just loved you a little harder. You used that to manipulate me into the place that you wanted me. I allowed you to avoid contact with me and then maneuver your way back in with blatant lies. All because I was intoxicated with the idea of creating the perfect love with you. Your obsession with me made me feel loved. But that I know now was just narcissistic exploitation. Words of adoration and promises made feel you were going to change for the better. Until I was once again disappointed that you never followed through. Prayers, Faith and Hope attached that we could be that love story I always dreamed of. Yet I was still spending time making excuses and responsibility for things you did to deceive me. I never could contemplate why you would invest time into me if you did not truly love me. Why would this man continue to try and beg for me if I was only one of many that he wanted. So I spent sleepless nights and tearful days analyzing every move you made. Trying so hard to fit this puzzle piece into the picture of love I painted for us. When in reality it was never a piece that fit all along. When I realized that you only kept me around for a convenience. I stroked your ego among other things. You used me to make yourself feel good then left me wondering what I meant to you and if what we had was real. You played with my anxiety and purposefully made me concerned for the loss of our imaginary love. You were wrong for how you played with who I am as a woman and how hard I love. But my love never stopped and I am not going to change who I am because you decided to control my hearts desires for your self-importance. I release you.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

GUILT IN MISTAKES

GUILT IN MISTAKES

Often times we beat ourselves up for the mistakes we make. We are taught from small children that we should be ashamed to do something wrong. Never to be told by our Parents, Grandparents, Pastors, Aunts, Uncles or other elders that they made the same mistakes as well. So should we really feel guilt or shame in the mistakes we make?

As a human you are destine to make a mistake. Some may be what minor mistakes were as other are life changing. Either way we always feel guilty as if the world will stop right on its axis and everyone will hate us. However in all cases if you are not dead from the mistakes you have made then you have another day to wake up and try it all again and most of the time if anyone was hurt from your mistake they will eventually forgive you and you both can move on with this beautiful thing called life.

Even if that person you hurt never speaks to you again then that is just how it has to be. I can not say this enough, LIFE WILL GO ON!! Surprisingly it may take weeks, months or even years but you will get over it. In the moment you can feel like your whole world has crashed and you will never be able to move on to something or someone new but you will. 

Are you are going through something right now? Maybe you lost your job because you were late too many times, you said or did the wrong thing with your significant other and they do not want to speak to you, or you are fighting with family because you did something they did not approve of. You may be telling yourself this will never end or asking yourself what to do. Well it will and even if there bonds lost are not mended you can get past the pain that guilt brings. 

First and foremost, get up stop wallowing in the pity of guilt. You can do better, get better or make it better with a "poor pitiful me" attitude. Secondly, be the bigger person and apologize. If it is repairable then the only way to get to the place of restoration is to admit your fault and build on that. Third, but most important, speak to your God. The only true guidance comes from a higher being. God may lead you and that person to a counselors office (and I am a firm believer in counseling, spiritual and natural) but none the less you have to seek God always!! Lastly, find someone you can talk to outside of the situation but they MUST be un-bias. Whether you can afford counseling or not there are elders who can always help you see where this life altering situation went wrong and what you can do better.  But remember this person can NOT take sides. 

So take all this info get up, pray and meditate. Then put your big girl/boy pants on and get your life back. Its not need to wallow in pity!! 

 Ephesians 1:7 

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace”

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman