Am I Worthy?

Today we are going to be talking about a dreaded subject: SELF WORTH. 

<Queue the dramatic music>

The 3 things we will focus on are: 

What is  the definition self worth? 

 What factors should you consider and not consider in determining your self worth?

Lastly, How can you improve your self worth?

What is  the definition self worth? 

Lets start with the defined meaning of Self Worth from Merriam-Webster. Self-worth is defined as a sense of one's own value as a human being. Lets start by noting that "self" worth is a self thing. It is not something anyone can give you. Not your family, your boss or even God. You have to learn to love self in order to have self worth. You have to learn to not neglect you to fulfill your self worth. Notice the common denominator in all of this is YOU. So I believe it is safe to come to the conclusion that the definitions of self worth is the thoughts you have about yourself in a positive light.

Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

 What factors should you consider and not consider in determining your self worth?

First and foremost ask yourself are you happy with you? No not what you have accomplished or what with what people say about you. Are you happy with you? Happy with the way you treat yourself, or the way you treat others? Are you happy with the peace you have and create in your life? Are you happy with your internal being? If you answered NO to any of these questions then you do not have a good self-worth. So stop an ask your self what steps you need to take to make you have a better self-worth.

How can you improve your self worth?

Simply put learn to love you, for you, the internal you! 

1. Stop basing your love of yourself on Facebook likes and Instagram follows. That can boost your ego but it will never do anything for your self-worth. 

2. Your appearance on and off of social media has nothing to do with the true love you hold for yourself. Nor does what any person can say about you. A person's compliments whether it be in person or online is only a temporary fix to your self esteem issues. That moment you will feel good. But then you will feel even worse when it stops because you begin to question there sanity and motives. All because you have not worked on your self worth. It will not make you feel better about you matter how awesome your appearance is. A flat tummy, plump butt, cute outfit and makeup can only mask the self hate that you have if you are not confident internally. 

3. Success does not determine your self-worth. You can be a straight A student, a millionaire with your dream job and have a billion things to distract you daily on your agenda but when you get home and lay in your bed you will still hate yourself. 

4. STOP SEEKING RELATIONSHIPS TO PROVE YOUR SELF-WORTH!! 

No friend, family member, co-worker, Pastor, or significant other can help to improve your self-worth. Although your actions toward these people and the wholesome person you are can help you to determine yourself worth. The actual people you do for don't determine or define that for you. Its who you are internally that defines that. Remember every time you attach yourself to someone new to seek self esteem its going to end in destruction of not only you being worse off then you were to start but you have also hurt that persons self-worth by making them believe they are not loving enough for you. It is a vicious and toxic cycle. The only relationship that you should seek outside yourself is that one of a spiritual higher being. Only because that being is the one who see's you in a flawless and raw nature. They know your worth because they see what you should have been seeing internally all along. 

Psalm 46:5 God is within her, she will not fall. 

LASTLY THINK ABOUT THE LEGACY YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE.
At your funeral will people say she/he dressed so nice and had cool social media. She/he was so successful and so good in school. She/he worked so hard at what she did and she/he had the house, the partner and the financial dream life I always wanted. Though peoples opinions are not of importance once you depart this Earth the things people remember you for are a direct reflection of the life you lived and the person you are. And that is what determines your worthiness. Who you are!

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

Is it Love or the need for Validation?

Have you ever met someone and it just felt so right? It felt like what you been waiting for your entire life when it comes to a partner. They do everything right. The call when you want them to call. Come whenever you desire. If you say jump, they say would you like for me to touch the sky for you baby? They adore the way you walk talk speak and even breath.

As we had spoken about before Love in Merriam- Webster is defied in a multitude of ways. But in reality the best definition of love comes from The Bible. In the scripture 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 it gives a clear and concise description of Love and its go to identifiers.  Those who stand out to me most when comparing love to validation are: it is patient, does not boast, and it is not self seeking. Which as we know is quite the opposite of validation, because validation is self seeking the need to be validated by whomever we attach our-self to.


The only validation we should ever seek is from your God or yourself. 

In fact the need to seek validation is actually a hazard to your love life. It creates a need for approval which once that approval is lost or not given regularly can create a cycle of pain and addiction. I recently read an article on www.mindbodygreen.com by Tanner Kennedy entitled "3 Signs Your Need For Approval Is Sabotaging Your Love Life" It dives into the fact that our need for Seeking self worth is toxic to not only us but the people we are attached to. She shows that our need to people please is only causing us more harm than good. Now I am not saying do not give, or be  a good person. What I am saying is do not do these things merely to get validation from others.

For years I always bent over backwards for people. If someone needed me to do something it didn't matter how I felt or if I wanted to do it or not. I just did it only because I thought that if I did not do it that person would no longer love me. Whether it was something as simple as running an errand for my mom or something as serious as fulfilling sexual desires for my partner. I was constantly depriving myself of the self dignity I should have had by allowing people to run over me. I lost who I was in the need to please that person so they can in turn validate me with the appreciation I got from them. I had to retrain myself to know that if I am no good to myself I am no good to them. And if they do not love me because I didn't jump through hoops then its there loss not mine.

I woke up and realized that me performing circus acts for people was only causing me to become more dependent on the people I attached myself to. I felt like something was missing if I did not have a romantic relationship. Not because I wanted love but I felt like they validated me as a worthy person.  In turn I begin to see that the Law of Attraction was the most real thing I had ever heard of. I was thinking negatively attracting negative experiences with partners who were not only negative thinkers but also negative doers. They always led me to believe they were ready for this magical love I dreamed of but they were actually not. They were unable to access the emotional intelligence that I needed.

At some point I realized that I had grown so much that it now begin to disgust me seeing them. Why? Because I learned to say no and love me before I loved anyone else. I no longer was the yes woman. I was the if I want to I will but if I don't and you can handle it then bye, woman. And this is a complete threat to the character of someone who is emotionally unavailable and still seeking validation themselves.

So as a person who is seeking love. I mean real, raw, unconditional and unwavering love. I encourage you to do the following. Ask yourself 3 things: 1. Do I do things for people even when I do not want to? (When you are too tired or even have to desire to) 2. If the person(s) you love do not constantly give you words of affirmation do you feel a disconnect with them. 3. Do you constantly put yourself down and not encourage yourself.

Consider the above things and know that if you answered  yes to any of these step back from everything you have and learn to love you and affirm yourself. Because with out self affirmation you are never going to be truly happy in any relationship with anyone.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

POETRY: " "Miss"-Communicated Love"

I dreamed of one day having your kid.

I constantly fantasize about the home in which we would live.

I thought about how we will build out empire. 

How we can look back on the naysayers and call them all liars.

I dreamed about our wedding day, I wanted a church wedding you wanted the beach but i think its insane.
Now all I dream about is all  of this pain. 

I feel this hurt because I was living in a fantasy world misconstruing all the things that you said. 

When I was trying to run because you would piss me off you will make me feel better instead. 

I love to touch you and I love the way you feel. 

But this love that I built for you in my head and never was real.

It was like you were sending me subliminal messages that you desired more.
Maybe it was just me create this facade so when I was with you I wouldn't be so bored.

I wanted to be in love with you so damn bad.

When you fought for me you made me believe you wanted that back.

Now I'm sitting here trying to disconnect myself from you; upset that I have to lose a friend.

Because I can't keep myself attached to you and allow my heart to mend.

At times I loved you more than myself.
I jeopardized my sanity and allowed you to manipulate my health.

You played this mental game of only calling me your buddy but then calling me Queen.
While you did relationship things like helping me work through my issues and not allowing to completely leave.

You teased me with a kiss and made me think I was more than enough.
You played on my triggers of what I desired from love.

But I cannot continue this competition of yes, no maybe, it can no longer be a thing.
I am not your puppet and you are not my master dangling me from your string.

I never understood how people can miss something they never had.
Until I met you and I begin to miss you so bad.

But now you can miss me with your bullshit cause friends is all we can be.
I deserve better than someone who is gonna miss out on the greatness that is me. 

I'll always support your dreams I'll be there for you when its just my friendship you need.

However for now, my healing will only come if we live out lives separately.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman