Have you ever met someone and it just felt so right? It felt like what you been waiting for your entire life when it comes to a partner. They do everything right. The call when you want them to call. Come whenever you desire. If you say jump, they say would you like for me to touch the sky for you baby? They adore the way you walk talk speak and even breath.
As we had spoken about before Love in Merriam- Webster is defied in a multitude of ways. But in reality the best definition of love comes from The Bible. In the scripture 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 it gives a clear and concise description of Love and its go to identifiers. Those who stand out to me most when comparing love to validation are: it is patient, does not boast, and it is not self seeking. Which as we know is quite the opposite of validation, because validation is self seeking the need to be validated by whomever we attach our-self to.
The only validation we should ever seek is from your God or yourself.
In fact the need to seek validation is actually a hazard to your love life. It creates a need for approval which once that approval is lost or not given regularly can create a cycle of pain and addiction. I recently read an article on www.mindbodygreen.com by Tanner Kennedy entitled "3 Signs Your Need For Approval Is Sabotaging Your Love Life" It dives into the fact that our need for Seeking self worth is toxic to not only us but the people we are attached to. She shows that our need to people please is only causing us more harm than good. Now I am not saying do not give, or be a good person. What I am saying is do not do these things merely to get validation from others.
For years I always bent over backwards for people. If someone needed me to do something it didn't matter how I felt or if I wanted to do it or not. I just did it only because I thought that if I did not do it that person would no longer love me. Whether it was something as simple as running an errand for my mom or something as serious as fulfilling sexual desires for my partner. I was constantly depriving myself of the self dignity I should have had by allowing people to run over me. I lost who I was in the need to please that person so they can in turn validate me with the appreciation I got from them. I had to retrain myself to know that if I am no good to myself I am no good to them. And if they do not love me because I didn't jump through hoops then its there loss not mine.
I woke up and realized that me performing circus acts for people was only causing me to become more dependent on the people I attached myself to. I felt like something was missing if I did not have a romantic relationship. Not because I wanted love but I felt like they validated me as a worthy person. In turn I begin to see that the Law of Attraction was the most real thing I had ever heard of. I was thinking negatively attracting negative experiences with partners who were not only negative thinkers but also negative doers. They always led me to believe they were ready for this magical love I dreamed of but they were actually not. They were unable to access the emotional intelligence that I needed.
At some point I realized that I had grown so much that it now begin to disgust me seeing them. Why? Because I learned to say no and love me before I loved anyone else. I no longer was the yes woman. I was the if I want to I will but if I don't and you can handle it then bye, woman. And this is a complete threat to the character of someone who is emotionally unavailable and still seeking validation themselves.
So as a person who is seeking love. I mean real, raw, unconditional and unwavering love. I encourage you to do the following. Ask yourself 3 things: 1. Do I do things for people even when I do not want to? (When you are too tired or even have to desire to) 2. If the person(s) you love do not constantly give you words of affirmation do you feel a disconnect with them. 3. Do you constantly put yourself down and not encourage yourself.
Consider the above things and know that if you answered yes to any of these step back from everything you have and learn to love you and affirm yourself. Because with out self affirmation you are never going to be truly happy in any relationship with anyone.
SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman
As we had spoken about before Love in Merriam- Webster is defied in a multitude of ways. But in reality the best definition of love comes from The Bible. In the scripture 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 it gives a clear and concise description of Love and its go to identifiers. Those who stand out to me most when comparing love to validation are: it is patient, does not boast, and it is not self seeking. Which as we know is quite the opposite of validation, because validation is self seeking the need to be validated by whomever we attach our-self to.
The only validation we should ever seek is from your God or yourself.
In fact the need to seek validation is actually a hazard to your love life. It creates a need for approval which once that approval is lost or not given regularly can create a cycle of pain and addiction. I recently read an article on www.mindbodygreen.com by Tanner Kennedy entitled "3 Signs Your Need For Approval Is Sabotaging Your Love Life" It dives into the fact that our need for Seeking self worth is toxic to not only us but the people we are attached to. She shows that our need to people please is only causing us more harm than good. Now I am not saying do not give, or be a good person. What I am saying is do not do these things merely to get validation from others.
For years I always bent over backwards for people. If someone needed me to do something it didn't matter how I felt or if I wanted to do it or not. I just did it only because I thought that if I did not do it that person would no longer love me. Whether it was something as simple as running an errand for my mom or something as serious as fulfilling sexual desires for my partner. I was constantly depriving myself of the self dignity I should have had by allowing people to run over me. I lost who I was in the need to please that person so they can in turn validate me with the appreciation I got from them. I had to retrain myself to know that if I am no good to myself I am no good to them. And if they do not love me because I didn't jump through hoops then its there loss not mine.
I woke up and realized that me performing circus acts for people was only causing me to become more dependent on the people I attached myself to. I felt like something was missing if I did not have a romantic relationship. Not because I wanted love but I felt like they validated me as a worthy person. In turn I begin to see that the Law of Attraction was the most real thing I had ever heard of. I was thinking negatively attracting negative experiences with partners who were not only negative thinkers but also negative doers. They always led me to believe they were ready for this magical love I dreamed of but they were actually not. They were unable to access the emotional intelligence that I needed.
At some point I realized that I had grown so much that it now begin to disgust me seeing them. Why? Because I learned to say no and love me before I loved anyone else. I no longer was the yes woman. I was the if I want to I will but if I don't and you can handle it then bye, woman. And this is a complete threat to the character of someone who is emotionally unavailable and still seeking validation themselves.
So as a person who is seeking love. I mean real, raw, unconditional and unwavering love. I encourage you to do the following. Ask yourself 3 things: 1. Do I do things for people even when I do not want to? (When you are too tired or even have to desire to) 2. If the person(s) you love do not constantly give you words of affirmation do you feel a disconnect with them. 3. Do you constantly put yourself down and not encourage yourself.
Consider the above things and know that if you answered yes to any of these step back from everything you have and learn to love you and affirm yourself. Because with out self affirmation you are never going to be truly happy in any relationship with anyone.
SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman
No comments:
Post a Comment