Mens need for success to have a relationship?

How often have we heard a man say that he doesn't want to have a relationship because he wants to be more stable or successful first?

Yet on the other hand a woman does not require that level of success in order for her to want to love the person that she loves and fully commit. 

This all stands back to the old gender roles that were placed on us many years ago. The man as the provider and the woman as the nurturer. A man feels he has to have a certain level of income in order to be successful and think in turn that's success will spill over into his family home to create happiness. 

 

However a lot of the times it is quite the opposite. The need to work hard and get to a certain level for your family creates a stronger bond within the family. Having everything up front and giving it to your children freely tends to have the silver spoon effect on children. 

Though there is nothing wrong with having ambition and wanting more the thought of having to be at a certain level of success can hinder you from finding the perfect person for you. Because you will continue to push away hopeful and qualified candidates for your mate. 

The better thing in my opinion to do would be, to still set the same goals but build on those goals with your partner. Instead of pushing the high potential people away until you become successful try to incorporate them in your success and your goals. This will create a stronger bond. Now you've gotten the success and the family that you always desired. 

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

Taboos of Pleasure

For centuries women have been deemed subconsciously unworthy of pleasure. We're marked as whores or promiscuous if we desire to have any kind of sexual pleasure from a partner. The why is this taboo so common all of the world.

 The best place to start is with the way society is set up. We live in a world that is a patriarchal society with it being led by christian, cisgender, straight, white, economically well off, men. So in turn if you do not fit into any of those categories or some and not the other then you are deemed not worthy of pleasure. And your worthiness of pleasure decreases with every strike that you have.

For many years how often did we see the movies glorify those people who fit in those categories. They're always happy, they're always pleased and they're always fulfilled. But in turn you always had them paired with a submissive quiet homebody and possibly a mistress that is wild and kinky on the side who is being the whore. 

Because these boxes were put in place to keep people on a pyramid scale where the white, cisgender, straight, Christian, will to do man remains of that peak. They had to look like the alpha male and what better way to do that than to create the most natural feeling in the world which is a sexual desire around him. 

But enter in a new society. The further we get along in society by creating social norms of bipoc people, those who identify as women and acceptance of various religions and the lgbtqia community the more normal the pleasure will be for everyone. 

Why should pleasure be a taboo for anyone. Why should anyone feel ashamed of wanting to have my blowing orgasms with someone that they completely consent with. It should not be a taboo. Wanting to have pleasure and do it in a consensual manner is not wrong. So once we recognize those taboos that were created by this patriarchal society then everyone can get to finding pleasure.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

Consent

With all the reason accusations and convictions surrounding sexual abuse, consent is a hard topic to discuss. But I'm ready to take on the challenge.

Let's start with the dictionary definition...

What is the definition of consent? 

Meridian Webster defines it as: to give assent or approval. 

But how does this translate when you're talking about sexual encounters. First and foremost, a person should always ask for consent. No matter how long you've been with that person, how many different things you've done with that person, or what type of relationship people established with that person, consent should always be given.

I when in doubt remember I'm thinking about it means no. Maybe means no. I'm not sure means no. And most importantly NO means NO. 

Parents should start this discussion with their children small. Let them know that they have limits and that their boundaries should never be compromised. Stop forcing your children to do things they don't want to do like hug that Uncle that they feel skeptical about. This will create unhealthy boundaries for the child. Blurred lines as a child unfortunately carry over into our adulthood.

As adults we should feel comfortable enough to have these discussions with our partner or partners. Don't be afraid to say no. Don't be afraid to feel uncomfortable with not pleasing the ego of the person that you're with. They're either maybe fragile, but your comfort when it comes to consent is even more fragile. Have these discussions with your partner prior to you getting hot and heavy. Let them know you're dislikes let them know your likes and most definitely let them know your hard No's.

With the practice of making a child comfortable as a parent with defining boundaries accompanied with establishing those boundaries with your partner or partners in adulthood, this should create a more pleasurable experience for everyone. Also, eliminating the possibility of denial of consent turning into a sexual offense.

And in conclusion sex is so much better when you know what the other wants. So don't be afraid to say yes I want that and I like that. But also do not be afraid to say no I won't do that at all and I prefer you not do that. This takes away the thoughts of uncomfort and creates a more clear mind for pleasure. 

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

 

 Is cheating ever acceptable?

Should cheating be over looked or is it ever acceptable? These are always the questions people ask when the topic comes up. So let us look at this from a alternate perspective.... 

Your teacher calls and says your child got a passing grade on his exam but he and the rest of his class all got the same exact answer incorrect and are all expected of cheating. As a parent are you not going to punish your child. Would you not investigate the circumstance and try to come to a resolution of what happened? If this is the case then you should award yourself the same benefits when in a relationship. Maybe your child was not involved but you have to do your due diligence. 

Alternate scenario: Your best friend sends you pictures of your wife with her arm around another man at the bar. Your wife comes home drunk and reeking of men's cologne. 

Should you not ask questions? Should you not address your concern and see what happened. 

If this is your significant other then you are 100% obligated and own the right to be informed of anything going on. Do you DUE DILIEGENCE. 

But is it ever right to cheat?

No cheating is completely wrong. If you are not happy then leave. Do not rip apart that person or everyone connected to ya'll for guilty pleasure. Be a grown up about the situation. Yes the victim has the right to assess analyze and possibly forgive but they also reserve the right to never deal with you again. So think before you cheat. 

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

What is a Virtuous Man/Woman?

A lot of people are confused by the word virtuous with a spiritual or religious woman. Though these things can go hand in hand. That is not the definition of a virtuous woman. 

The definition of virtuosity is that of hold high standards and morals or to be chaste.

Everyone has placed a different idea on what it holds and what people feel it should be. A lot of people associate it with virginity or purity, when others associate it with being kind and giving. While some like myself simply say if you are living the life you think is moral, without judgement and exemplifying what you think is just and fair then you are living in your virtuosity. If you are indeed living a life you will be proud of and will leave a legacy of positivity with people once you Transend then you are indeed living virtuously. 

So readers I ask you. What is your idea of virtuosity in a man or woman? Do you feel someone can live a free, fun and wild life but still be virtuous? Please feel free to comment below. 

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman