Are finances important in a relationship?

Yet again another age-old question. Is finances important in a relationship?

Unfortunately the short answer is yes. It's not about how much the other person makes or what they can provide for you. But it's more so about the ability to create security for each other and yourself. A person who is stable with a good income, is investing in their future, and has maybe a good credit score does not want to associate or connect themselves to someone who is not stable. And though that may seem a little shallow and selfish it's not. You have to connect yourself to like-minded people and like goal-oriented people.

I think it's very imperative before you connect yourself to someone in a very serious committed relationship to understand their savings spending and investing dynamic. And if you don't happen to be completely alike in the way that you organize your money, Then it's very important to understand that somebody needs to maintain the money and someone is to relinquish that ability for the other person to do so. Create and stability and creating a future for yourself and/or your children is very important. Someone who has extreme spending habits may need to relinquish that organizational skill to the person who is more responsible. This does not make you less then nor does it make you a sucker. If you're in a trusting loving relationship it's okay to be able to relinquish that ability to the person who is more financially sound. 

A few questions you may want to ask yourself when you're coming into a committed relationship especially if you're going to live in the same household as this person or as follows.

1. How do we want to have our banking accounts set up? Individually together or multiple.

2. Who is the more financially responsible person in the relationship?

3. What can the person who is not as good with saving and creating a great credit score learn from the person who is?

4. How can we invest our money together and save our money together in order to create a stable and secure future as a family?

5. What changes need to be made on both parts to get to the goals that you want and have set?

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

When should you leave.

The age old question. When should you give up on a relationship and get out. Different generations have had different answers for this question. 

As the older generation will say you're supposed to stick it out through thick and thin no matter what. The younger generation with more understanding of mental health and safety will say get out immediately, typically. But do you want to act prematurely? Do you want to take the risk of leaving something that could have been worked out? Or have you drained yourself to the point where your mental physical or emotional health is at risk? How do they play am I invested and how hard will it be to get out if I need to? These are all things that you need to ask yourself when you're determining whether the risk is worth the investment.  

 

I think back on what my mother told me when I was younger. She always said make sure you have a way out of any situation in the event that it does not serve you in a proper way. Make sure that you have your money your mind and your heart right so that you don't end up being stuck in a situation that can cause harm to you.

I think we often don't understand that just because you have a written or verbal covenant with someone that it automatically put you in it for life. Just like any contract there's a way out of everything and there's always loopholes. So I say that if you're in a situation that you feel isn't conducive to a mental physical and spiritually rich lifestyle then you must ask these questions follow steps to rectify the situation.

1. Analyze where you're at in the relationship with that person. Is it going to be easy to leave? Or is it going to be arrangements that you would have to make and order to transition?

2. Does the love that you have for that person outweigh the pain that you're going through? If you were to leave this person behind in your life would you be okay?

3. Does this person have my best interested heart? And if they do not what do I need to do to put my best interest at heart? 

4. If you determine that they do have your best interest at heart but it may be something that they're dealing with then ask yourself are you able to work through it? Are you able to be a supporting person to them as they go through their transition?

Once you've asked yourself these questions then you can write them down, analyze the outcomes and make your decision. But remember to never stay in the situation that is going to not be able to be changed with the right amount of work. Your mental physical and spiritual health is the most important thing on this Earth and is the only thing you can control. 

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman

Is the effort worth it.

 As humans we very often find ourselves trying to go above and beyond what we should. We put a lot of effort into things that we don't need to or rather that we should not. Especially when it comes to relationships. We often find ourselves going above and beyond for people that we love or want to love us back. However, those same people never reciprocate that love. So why do we do that? And when should we realize that it's time to unplug our energy source to that person.

To start you have to analyze the relationship that you have with that person. You have to understand the dynamic of the relationship. An example is this person a family member that needs you in their life, or somebody that is not someone who needs to hold a place in your world. Sometimes we have placeholders while we think and wish for what we really want. If you determine that this person is someone who needs you in their life, like a child who is not an adult, then you will have to proceed with the relationship. However, any other person on this Earth is not a necessity in your life.

Once you have determined and analyzed if that person needs to hold a place in your life then you need a determine what need they fulfill in your life. Is this person your husband or wife? Is this person a family member? Is this person just a friend? You need to analyze them from an outside perspective and determine whether or not this person is reciprocal of the love and affection that you are giving them. Oftentimes we clean to people who do not reciprocate the level of appreciation that we give them. If this person has time and time again proven that they cannot reciprocate your actions in some way then it's time to let that person go. The old saying if at first, you don't see you try try again can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. Trying again means that you dust yourself off and get up and try a different path. But continuing to try to have something with someone that is proving themselves to be a negative influence over your life is a delusion. So yes at this point you need to let it go.

SIGNING OFF - Virtuous Woman